Saturday, November 29, 2008

falling

i awoke
this morning to find
the first
snowflakes falling
past my window.

i wanted to tell
someone
but there was
no one
to tell.

so i
closed my eyes
and wished
that weren't true.

when i
opened them, snowflakes
still fell
and still
there was no one
to tell.

falling, falling, falling, falling, falling
past my window.

i wonder
why i care so
much about these things, but

i do.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

...in an elevator

it
happened before
i could stop it;
isn't that the way
these things go?
the door closed
and suddenly
the elevator was
dark
as a secret;
the overhead light
had blown.

i
didn't mind.
i
made the most of it.

i just felt
sorry for the girl
who was stuck
inside
there with me.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Rain

a few falls
ago, when i was
taking some courses,
each time i left class
when it was raining
i would pop
my headphones
on and listen to a
wonderfully sad
record called Love is Hell.

i would stand
on the train
platform
and watch the water
bounce off the shiny
rails
and tip my head
back and feel the
rain on my face

something
about that album
sounded like rain
coming down in whispers
and umbrellas bursting
open and sprinkling
a city of gray
with pastel smudges

everything felt better then
for a while

Love is a Long Way Down

Love is a Long Way Down
words and music by Andy Campolieto

Here I go again
Taking it slow
Don't want to lose
What's left of my soul

But this time I'm strong
I'm not gonna hide
I'm not how you left me
I've found what's left
Of my pride

'Cause it's a long way
Long way down
Love is a long way
Long way down

You knew that I'd come
As soon as you called
But you don't see me running
I'm in no rush to fall
In love

'Cause it's a long way
Long way down
Love is a long way
Long way down, down, down

But each time I run from you
I end up in your arms
Love is a long way
Long way down

Monday, November 24, 2008

Inside Out

Here's another song for which I only have a few lines. Oh, that doesn't stop us from playing it live--it just means that I improvise the words each time. It is a dark, rocking, aggressive, very un-Jo-Henley-like song, one that the band particularly likes to play because they get to wail on their instruments, jam, and listen to me emote differently than I usually do.

Here's all I have, just the first verse:

We cannot talk it over anymore
There are no magic words to speak
My car's outside
It's running on fumes, like me
I see you've got your lipstick on

As with "Chasing Rainbows" I will continue to post the words as I work them out...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

What's cooking?

Yup, you guessed it: I'm making that chicken soup that I wanted so desperately yesterday. Driving twelve hours with your head feeling like it's on the verge of explosion and an on-fire throat was not fun. But the radio show was worth every second of the trip. And my voice held up all right, all things considered.

Still, I never got my soup.

Today is about 24 degrees in Boston, and windy enough to make it feel about 10 in the sun, and I'm still sick, so right now I have a pot of homemade chicken noodle simmering on the stove.

(Okay, quick aside? Chicken soup with rice is FAR inferior to chicken noodle soup. I'm sorry, but it's just a fact.)

I hate Sundays. Even more than sneezing. But I do like chicken noodle soup.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Chicken Soup for the Frontman

Will someone make me chicken noodle soup?

Yup, you guessed it: I'm sick. If you know me, you know I am never sick. Oh sure, I may get the weird shit that no one else gets, but never the straight-up cold, like I have now. The last time I got a cold was probably three years ago. But I have one now, and I have to deal with it because in about thirty seconds the band is bound for Nowhere, New Jersey--smack dab between Trenton, NJ and Allentown, PA--for a two-hour radio performance/interview on WDVR's "Guitar Town." Which means I have to sing. Stuffy. In between sneezes. With my eyes sore and not enough sleep in me.

Nothing that a couple shots of Afrin and a whole bunch of other over-the-counter crap can't get me through.

Here's the thing, though--sick or not I get to play music today and I am too excited about that to care much about being sick. I don't want to sound like my head's in a balloon when I sing today, but I am very much looking forward to being inside the songs, in their stories, with fiddle and drums and bass and guitars all dancing around me. I am sure I'll feel better once we're there, anyway.

We will be in the car for about 12 hours today for the chance to play and be interviewed for two, so if you are around, near a computer, I ask that you tune in and listen. You should be able to stream the show on www.wdvrfm.org

Tune in, listen, call in, make requests-and pray I remember not to say "shit" when we play "Sad Songs and Alcohol."

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Chasing Rainbows

This is a song I've been playing (ooh, how about futzing? or fiddling?) around with for a few months but for which I can't seem to find the rest of the words. My hope is that I can hack away at it a little at a time; perhaps seeing it here will spark my muse. So far I only have the chorus:

Everything
Everything I ever wanted was you

If you can’t find me

I’m chasing my rainbows around
With my eyes on the ground
And if I should lose my path
Will you be there when I'm lost
Like you promised you would?

I realize this is not much, and not particularly good. But it's all about those first two lines. I wrote them down on a Post-It a while ago and stuck it in my pocket, which is how I work. I have a journal I carry with me (and a pocket projector and a Trapper Keeper and a Slinky) but I tend to rely on the Post-Its or whatever scrap piece of paper I find. I take it out and scribble ideas down and work it out like that until either the song is done, or I've decided it's not worth pursuing, or the paper is so beat-up it's taken on the texture of a tissue. I also realize as I post these lyrics to songs that no one has yet heard that I am the only one with the luxury of knowing the melody that goes along with the words.

Typical me, I write four sentences, and it takes me three paragraphs to explain those four sentences.

Anyway, I'll keep adding to the song as I go. In the meantime, I am considering posting a long short story I have, in chapters. To be honest, I have no idea how much traffic my blog here gets, so my audience could be small, but I'll post it anyway.

Happy reading :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

what it means to try

you're doing the best you can
they tell me

i hope not
i say

because that just means
my best
isn't good enough

Friday, November 14, 2008

Only I Can Break Your Heart

Only I Can Break Your Heart
words and music by Andy Campolieto

Somebody else might buy you roses
Or leave you love notes on your car
Somebody else might call you beautiful
But only I can break your heart

Only I would leave you stranded in a station in the rain
With a suitcase full of dreams that won't come true

Somebody else might light your smokes
Or sing you love songs in the park
Somebody else may hold you till you fall asleep
But only I can break your heart

Only I would leave you shattered in the kitchen by the sink
Trying to catch my eyes to read the lies

CHORUS
If it's you who I want
If it's you who I need when I breathe
Then tell me where I've got it wrong
You can try to pretend
We're better off in the end but only love
Will keep you up at night
To watch the stars and cry

Somebody else may be the one
Your shining knight in tarnished times
To give you everything that you deserve
And who will never break your heart

Only I would paint a watercolor sunset in your sky
And wash it all away before it dries

CHORUS

Somebody else might buy you roses
But only I can break your heart

Thursday, November 13, 2008

train music

i stand
on the subway with
music
bubbling in my ears

across from me
a man
with a salty beard and
big black headphones
sits and dances
he dances
as he sits with his
big black headphones

i
can hear the
music:

oontz
oontz
oontz
oontz

eyes closed
lips
moving
with his thick
brown hands
karate-chopping the
air
between us

oontz
oontz
oontz
oontz

i turn
my music down
until the bubbling
stops
and the two of us are
dancing
now to the
sound
seeping from his
big black headphones

oontz
oontz
oontz
oontz

what a
sight
we must have been
standing there
sitting there

dancing

to the music from those
big black headphones

oontz
oontz
oontz
oontz

a
few minutes later
i get off
the subway

twirl
a scarf around
my neck

the air is COLD and
loud

i watch the
train gurgle
past
and tuck my chin
inside my
scarf as i trudge up
the sidewalk

a kid
with yellow hair
fires up
a cigarette

the sky is cold and
LOUD

i
wish i had
big black headphones

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Save the Last Dance for Us

Save the Last Dance for Us
words and music by Andy Campolieto

If I were to take your hand tonight
Could we dance under the stars
Just one more time?
I know that was long ago
But I'm no good at letting go of you

Every day feels like I'm doing time
Inside a box of letters you used to write
I think about where you are
And if you found what you're looking for
Without me, love

Some things will never change
But I promised you I'd never
Let you down for long
Save the last dance for us

I feel your arms around me all the time
You probably think I'm crazy, and you're right
I used to think I was sensible
But that's before I tried to go
Without you, love

Some things will never change
But I promised you I'd never
Let you down for long
Like you let me down: for good

I searched this world to find you
From New York to Tennessee
Lost you somewhere in the Carolinas
So many miles, so many miles
Before I sleep

Twenty-five years and still no word
You were married in the Midwest last I heard
Two kids and a couple of cars
Me, I'm still singing in bars
About you, love

Some things will never change
I promised you I'd never
Let you down for long
Like you let me down: for good
Save the last dance for us

I'll save the last dance for us
If you want

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Tears on My Sleeve

Tears on My Sleeve
words and music by Andy Campolieto

Have you heard about what I done on Avenue B.?
Seen my face on every TV set it seems
They make me out as crazy
Well, I suppose that ain't far from fact
But there's a lot more to the story than that

See, before I came to New York City
And burned up all my dreams
I was something of a legend back home
For longer than I care to know
I tried to be a star
But this guitar only got me so far
Now I'm stuck behind these bars
With my tears on my sleeve

Last fall, I rolled into town
'Cause I heard you'd moved to Queens
Seen your eyes on every playbill that I read
But I couldn't find the nerve
To let you know I'd come for you
And by the time I did
You was wearing a ring

That day you turned your back on me
Said you had to get away
Still kills me like it happened yesterday
That night I picked a bottle up
To wash it all away with gin
I lost everything that I always hoped I'd win
Now the only thing I have of yours
Are your tears on my sleeve

I was hunched up by an evergreen
They was stringing it with lights
Felt the metal in my pocket, squeezed it tight
At 8 o'clock I went inside
Sat down and looked around
It was dark, except the curtain that hung down

When you finally walked on stage
Honey, I could hardly breathe
You were prettier than anything I'd ever seen
The time had come to take stand
For once to be a man
I stood up tall with a pistol in my hand
Then I turned around to leave
With tears on my sleeve

I want you to love me
I want you to hold me tight
And tell me it'll be all right
I had my chance
But I was too slow to see
That love may linger
But the tears can't last forever


Monday, November 10, 2008

Cheyenne

Cheyenne
words and music by Andy Campolieto

I just can't break another heart today
I can't wipe no more tears from your eyes
We're better off a thousand miles away

I tried so hard to keep from hurting you
But it's all I ever seem to do
By morning I'll be halfway to Cheyenne

Every day begins and ends with us making up
But somewhere in between we fall apart
And I'm so tired of falling
I'm so tired of falling

I know we've been through all of this before
And my boots always find your door
But this time they're not coming back no more

I hope, my darling, one day you'll forgive me
I'm not the man you hoped I'd be
Trying to find my way out on the plains

Every day begins and ends with us making up
But somewhere in between we fall apart
And I'm so tired of falling
I'm so tired of falling
I'm so tired of falling

I just can't break another heart today
Or sweep your shattered dreams away
By morning I'll be halfway to Cheyenne
By morning I'll be halfway to Cheyenne
By morning I'll be halfway to Cheyenne

Saturday, November 8, 2008

going somewhere slowly

white-knuckled
blood
beating my skull
like fists

i watch the lights
turn green to
red
to
green to red
and my wheels never
turn

locked inside
a steel cell

ihavesomewheretobedonttheysee?

fucks fly from
my mouth
until

two kids with
two smiles and
two cans
float over like leaves
that have just let go

and then so do i

let go

and drop
a bill into the can

it's for sick kids mister

but really
it was for me

Friday, November 7, 2008

...with a white rose in my hand...

Somewhere in the lush green hills of eastern Tennessee this summer, just beyond the edge of Smoky Mountain National Park, a song came on the radio that struck me. It was a country station, but the song wasn't true-blue Top 40, CMT, modern country--not in that Toby Keith-modern way anyway. It was my ideal song: midtempo, laid-back but strong, with a sweet melody and purty guitars and blue-colored lyrics about a man who got tired of waiting for the woman he loves and so he goes searching for her--all dressed up in twang and delivered by a scotch-voiced troubadour. I tried to remember the words so that I could google them later, in Nashville, but none of my keywords could locate the song online. "...with a white rose in my hand..." was all I could remember, and that was so vague it returned a million-plus hits, none of which were the song I'd heard and took a liking to.

A couple months later, I was again on the road, this time in Boston, when the same song came on the radio. I pulled over and listened, scribbled frantically as many lyrics as I could. Then I rushed to a computer and typed in "Beaumont white rose crowd Murphy country folk song lyrics" and out came "Beaumont" by a Texas singer-songwriter names Hayes Carll. I had heard of him, and had even heard a couple of his songs somewhere along the way, but whatever I'd heard, while good, wasn't quite like "Beaumont." The next day I rushed to Newbury Comics and picked up Trouble in Mind. The whole record is superb from start to finish, but "Beaumont" is still my favorite. I like the song so much that I don't listen to it that often. Just once in a while, like fine wine. Too afraid I'll grow tired of it.

Turns out I'm not the only one smitten with this guy's music. Hayes Carll is something of a darling in the Americana scene. Trouble in Mind has been among the top-rated albums in the genre for a long time, and Hayes Carll is among the most respected singer/songwriters working these days.

Since that time a lot has happen to my own music, and just yesterday we learned there is now an outside chance that we could land an opening gig for Hayes Carll. My guess is that this won't happen--just being honest here, not self-defeating--but there is also a very real chance it could. I won't make this sound bigger than it is; it would be a cool experience, something to build upon and add to our resume, not anything that will propel us to stardom. But it just goes to show you that you never know what may happen in this life. What today seems wholly implausible could very well come to fruition when you least expect it.

Keep your fingers crossed for us, as this would be a positive experience for my band. But even better, go find that song, "Beaumont." Who knows, it just may change your life.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Great Depression

The Great Depression
words and music by Andy Campolieto

If I had a dime to my name
Then I guess I'd have somethin' to lose
Like all these suits and ties
I read about in the news
They say the money's all gone
Nothin' like it since '29
But I'm broke as a Ford
So I guess I'm doin' just fine

CHORUS
This Great Depression means nothin' to me
Let Wall St. crumble
Let Main St. whistle with tumbleweed
Give me a long-haired girl and a bottle of wine
We can sit on the roof and get drunk all night
And watch the world come tumbling down
As the sun comes up

Well, I worked hard all my life
But I could never make enough to save
This old 6-string's all that I've got to my name
If I had a big fat wallet full of big green bills
I'd buy me a bungalow in the hills
But I'm broke as a seal
So I guess I'm doin' just fine

CHORUS

Please don't misunderstand
I never meant for it to be this way
There ain't nothin' I love more than the USA
But I'd be lying if I said
I gave a damn about the government
'Cause I'm broke as a heart
And I guess I'm doin' all right

CHORUS

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yes, we did

A girl passed me on the train this morning wearing a T-shirt bearing the face of George Bush with the words "Not my president" written alongside his face. Any other day these past 8 years I would have thought her just one more well-informed but helpless voice proclaiming, in her youthful rebellious way, what most of us have been thinking for a long time. But today, her shirt rang true. The day has finally arrived. George W. Bush truly is "Not my president." Oh, he may technically have another 8 weeks or so before it becomes official. Academic aside, though, the man who has run our country into iceberg after iceberg no longer captains our ship.

Standing in line for my tea this morning, I overheard a woman of about 60, dressed for work, well put-together, ask the barista steaming the milk for her cappuccino who won last night. Who won last night? I thought to myself, astonished. So astonished, in fact, that I turned to the girl at the register--who looks a lot like Sarah Palin, that ditz who once ran for VP--tossed a thumb in the direction of the woman, and said aloud, "Did she really just ask who won the election last night?" The man next to me chuckled and rolled his eyes. The Palin look-alike shrugged and politely offered an excuse for her: "Maybe she went to bead early."

What? Went to bed early? Who cares? Are you freakin' kidding me? She made it this far--9am, dressed, in the city, probably arrived in her car that has a radio, probably passed a newspaper stand or two--and she never once stumbled across, even accidentally, something that alerted her to the fact that we have a new president? Worse yet, she didn't climb out of bed and even half-heartedly wonder who won? No? Nothing? Not even a casual interest?

That's her loss then, because she missed out on the most heartening moment in American history in 40 years, and certainly in my lifetime. Like him or not, Barack Obama transcended our country's dark, shameful past as far as race relations, and carried on his back millions of people who have been waiting for a moment like this.

Last night was proof positive that with hope, and lots of hard work, one truly can achieve greatness. It in no way erased all of our race issues, or biases, our prejudices, and our deep-rooted resentment, but it went a long way toward mending that fence and turning everyone's attention to the future.

I could feel my eyes welling up last night as Obama spoke, standing there so calm, so poised, not a trace of gloat or pretentiousness anywhere to be found. He acutely understands what lies ahead. He understands there is difficult work to be tackled, and that not everyone is going to bend over backwards to give his plan a shot. He knows there will be people waiting to tear him down just as quickly as they raised him up--that is, after all, what America does to its heroes.

Those days have not yet come, however. They will soon, but not yet. Last night, today, and ideally for as long as we can, we must attempt to bottle that display of sheer patriotism that America embraced last night. In a different way, I remember feeling the same spirit of camaraderie immediately following 9/11, when we, the people, faced a common enemy and bonded together as one against those who threatened to destroy us. At that moment, Bush could have asked us to do anything and we would have done so. I have never been a Bush fan, but when he walked out to the pitcher's mound at Yankee Stadium during the World Series in 2001 and threw out the first pitch, bravely, wearing a bulletproof vest, I was moved practically to tears. Love him or leave him, he was our leader, and our leader let us all know we have nothing to be fearful of.

But Bush missed his chance to really invoke a sense of civic duty in us. Rather than seize the chance to raise us to greatness, to call upon us to each pitch in for a greater good, he told us to go to the mall.

Obama learned those lessons, and will not, I dearly hope, make the same mistake. I know from playing music and connecting with fans that people want to help in things they believe in. There are times when I sense I could even ask our fans for even more help, but don't because it feels like imposing. Truth is, they want to help. I support artists I enjoy, so why wouldn't I expect others to do the same for my music? Same with Obama. He recognizes that America is beat up, wants change, and is willing to make sacrifices for that change. And that is inspiring.

Inspiration. I felt inspired last night. There are many, my own family included, who assumes we are now destined for 4 years of welfare handouts, white flags overseas, and skyrocketing taxes. To that, I say, you had your chance. You had Bush for 8 years. And it didn't work. Will Obama fix all of our problems? No way. But he deserves a chance to give it a shot.

Six months from now, if not six days from now, the glow will have dulled, the soared spirits will have returned to the earth, and the disbelief that America has finally done something really amazing for itself, will have worn off. The debt will still be there. The war will not have left us. Racism will not have gone anywhere.

That day is not upon us now, though. There will be plenty of time for cynicism. But for now we owe it to ourselves to think big and dream big and bottle all of this up. We must remember what it felt like to watch that scene in Chicago last night, and in living rooms across this country, so that when times are tough, and the news cycle is once more rife with ugliness, disparity, depression, and gloom, we will know that it doesn't have to be that way. That when push comes to shove, we, the people, can do great things together.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

November 4, 2008


This is a bittersweet day for me. Here in Boston, the sun sits high in a clear morning sky, the river a ribbon of slate-blue that runs through a wet city exploding in reds, oranges, and burgundies. The newspaper stands boast bold-print predictions of who may lead us by night's end. Outside polling stations, lines snake in anxious curves around old brick walls as folks funnel toward the doors that lead them to their ballots. Some dressed for the occasion in pins and T-shirts depicting their choice to next lead our country, while others quietly wait to do the same in office attire, skirts and sneakers, paint-splattered Carharts, suits and ties, hospital scrubs, cowboy boots and Levi's. Today is an historic day, and no one wants to sit by idly and not participate. Baseball is done for the fall, our football team battles Brady-less, and the C's are barely under way. But none of those pastimes could match the electricity of today anyway.

Today is different. Today, after all the TV ads and stump speeches, all the pundits and primaries, debates and SNL sketches--today is the day that we, the People, choose our next president. And I, for one, am feeling pretty down about it.

I feel down because before long it will all be over. Oh, sure, the talking heads will have much to Monday-morning quarterback for days and weeks to come. The Joe Scarboroughs and Rachel Maddows of the world will milk this thing for all its worth, analyzing, dissecting, and opining about all that went right or wrong for each candidate, depending upon the outcome.

But it won't be the same. Can't be. This is the big day. What makes it exciting is that it isn't over yet. The polls have only just opened. My morning tea is still steeping. No winner has been projected. By 11pm, we should have a winner, and then it will all be over, this energy that has swept up the nation, captured our imaginations, and led us to pour into polling stations in record numbers. I dig my heels against the passage of time today. I haven't even voted yet (I will tonight) because I am squeezing all I can out of this day.

I will miss the verbal political sparring with coworkers and drunks on barstools. I will miss the New Yorker cartoons, the outlandish claims, the left-wing crazies and the right-wing loonies, the logos and slogans and lawn signs. I will miss the lies and the half-truths. I'll miss Hillary biting her lip as she pretends to LOVE Obama. I'll miss Cindy McCain's cold, harsh smile, and Michelle Obama's fist bumps. I already miss the debates, those forced and awkward knife fights that never said anything of substance but which oozed gravitas.

What all of the above is a demonstration of, and what I essentially will miss when all this is over, is passion. This election has stirred in us a collective passion, a burning, combustible passion--no matter who you support--and it is that passion that I will miss come November 5.

Vote as you wish, but I, for one, am casting my ballot for Barack Obama. And the reason, aside from the fact that I align with most all his policies, is that I admire him. I am not sure I have ever thought that way about a politician before. I liked Clinton's policies, and even still find the guy charming in spite of his womanizing tendencies and penchant for self-idolization. But Barack Obama is different. To me, he seems like a nice guy, kind, empathetic, a family man who loves his family, a go-getter who is almost naively optimistic. He plays basketball, used to smoke (and may still), had admitted to past drug use, and likes Wilco. He's a man of color, a man of pride, a man of high intellect who inspires me to want to participate and do whatever is asked of me for the betterment of the country. Obama fought dirty when he had to, but only when he had to. He is not the snide, arrogant, self-centered, erratic, and yes, old, man that McCain is. I once admired McCain, and have even thought at one time that he was perhaps the man best-suited to lead a divided nation. But those days are long gone. McCain is the same choice for all those too afraid of change, too afraid of youth, too afraid of progress and big ideas. A vote for McCain is a vote for war, a vote for fear, and a vote for a time that has already passed us by. I, for one, am not about to squander my one vote in this pivotal time in America on someone prone to fits and gritted teeth and backstabbing and deception. Thanks, but no thanks.

I am trying to be bold in my own life. Be strong. Think big. Aspire for more than the ordinary. And that is why I will cast my vote for Barack Obama today.

Then I will go home, sit on my couch with my guitar on my lap, and watch as they polls close, the votes are counted, and someone, eventually, is named the next to-be president of our flawed but wonderful country. And I will fight back the sadness that I know I will feel as it begins to sink in that this two-year-long dash for the White House has come to an anticlimactic close.

But we're not there yet. This day ain't over yet. I'll worry about my political hangover when it comes. Until then, today is a party. Don't miss out. Participate!

Monday, November 3, 2008

The other JH


Bookstores are wonderful places. I prefer the used, independent variety, with their uneven shelves plumped with cracked and dusty spines, but I'm not above Barnes and Noble, either. Which is where I found myself on Saturday. I had intended to run in and pick up Dennis Lehane's new novel. Twenty minutes later, however, I emerged with a memoir by Juliana Hatfield. I knew of Juliana Hatfield in a very limited way--as the bassist and sweet, angelic backing vocalist on The Lemonheads' classic It's a Shame About Ray. I can't admit to being any sort of diehard Lemonheads fan, but I do like that album a lot, and Ben and I have been playing "My Drug Buddy" live for many years. The Lemonheads gig was just a one-off stint for her though. She is better known by the general public as a solo artist whose catchy power-pop songs put her on the alternative/post-punk map in the early '90s and have kept her there, for the most part, ever since. She was supposed to be the next big thing, but that never really happened, at least to the degree expected of her. Did I mention she hails from Boston and is something of a local underground celebrity around here?

Anyway, I picked up the book, which had just come out in hardcover, and read the first chapter. She opens the memoir with her sitting backstage at a grimy club somewhere, about to go on, when the owner of the club comes back and gives her shit for taking a shot of Patron from the bartender when what she should have done was traded in one of her measly free-drink tickets for a Bud Light or watered-down well drink. Here she was in her late 30's, single, childless, about to go on at some rat-infested, puke-floored shithole of a club, playing for peanuts (oh, right, and free-drink tickets, though she barely drinks), and this asshole's giving her hell over a shot of tequila that she wanted to pay for in the first place. It was then that she decided she wasn't sure she could carry on with her rock-n-roll dream. The problem was, what else was she going to do? She wasn't qualified for, much less interested in, anything else.

Something about the way she described her relationship with music struck a chord with me--no pun intended. She could hardly carry on, and yet she could in no way give it up, either. Music was bringing her a great deal of fatigue, financial hardship, heartache, loneliness, and frustration, and still there was no other choice for her. She had to keep going, keep hacking away.

Or did she? That is what she promised to explore in her story.

This was good enough for me. I plunked down $20 on a hardcover written by someone who had never written a book before, and of whom I had never heard more than a song or two, and proceeded to spend a chunk of my weekend barreling through Juliana's (we're on a first-name basis now) memoir. This isn't meant to be a book report, but rather a brief and likely semi-useless anecdote about choosing something spontaneously, out of the blue. It is, on a very small scale, reflective of this recent compulsion I have to be make bold decisions, take risks--whatever that means. This is not something at which I am always very good. I am systematically spontaneous--meaning I am always game for anything and can find fun in most situations, yet I have a terrible habit of trying to think things through in advance, and too deeply. It is a trait that has served me fairly well, as I have come to trust my own instincts and oftentimes feel that others don't think things through nearly enough, but still there is always room for more decisiveness, more spontaneity, in my life, and probably yours, too.

The book? It's ain't Lehane, that I can tell you. I wasn't expecting it to be, though. For me, a musician who can relate to JH on some level, I find it very readable, funny, insightful, and enlightening. (It just occurred to me I don't even know the title, in case you were wondering; sorry.) That's not my point, though. The point is, keep your eyes, and your mind, open, to something new today that you may not have otherwise embraced. Who knows where it may lead you?

And you heard it here first: Juliana is going to sing on the next Jo Henley record. She just doesn't know it yet...

Tomorrow: Get out there and VOTE! No excuses!!!!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Blog Genesis

So here it is, my first blog. Or technically my second, I suppose. I just posted a poem, at what the computer fictitiously claimed was 3-something AM (EST). But that was the opening act. An introduction. My goal is to blog--is that a verb these days?--once a day, something I could do on my band's myspace (www.myspace.com/johenley) except that there I feel confined to musings related to Jo Henley. I enjoy doing so, but I guess I just have more to say than that, and so here I am.

I make no promises about this blog. My ramblings, my commentary on the world, my insights, my poems, my prose, my opinions--none of them may interest you in the slightest, in which case I urge you to find something else to do with your time. Life is far too short, even on those long summer days. But if you find yourself interested in what's on my mind, or bored and in need of a few minutes to kill, then you've come to the right place.

I started thinking about why some people out there are content to keep everything inside and whereas the rest of us must publicly share whatever is going on in our lives. Artists need an outlet. The rest of the world feels no desire to do so. This perplexes me.

I think of it this way: We all are cups. Some of us are humongous cups that never fill. Despite how much joy, anger, anxiety, worry, love, loss, heartache, fury, disappointment, depression, rebirth, etc. these folks feel, the need to share it with the world never occurs. It all sloshes around inside their limitless cups. None of these emotions ever spill over. An artist, however, is born a small cup. They fill with all of those same emotions, and for a time can contain them, bury them, hide them inside as they struggle to make sense of these roiling emotions. But there comes a time, often quickly, when these artists, these limited cups, reach their maximum capacity and it all comes poring out. Onto canvasses, sketchbooks, keyboards, wet clay, pianos, guitars, trombones, stages, and notebooks. Neither cup is better than the other; neither type of person is more important than the other. We can't have a world full of overflowing cups. What a boring world this would be if everyone wrote books, sang songs, played trumpet, painted, and sculpted. Just as it would be an awful place to live where everyone handled his or her emotions internally, logically, quietly. It's cliche, but yin-yang really is what keeps us all in balance.

I am a small cup. I do not know why; I was just born that way. I also have no idea why when my cup doth everfloweth I feel the need to share it with others--and here's the qualifier to that statement: sometimes. Sometimes my cup spills over and I write a song and record onto CD for all eternity and jump on stage and sing it for others, while other times I haven't the same need to let the whole world in on the condition of my heart, mind, and spirit, at any given moment. But generally speaking, I share my overflow, and this blog is just one more way to do so.

Perhaps this will be my last post; in a minute I'll go make myself some tea, pop a pair of waffles in the toaster, and when I return I may decide that, yes, my cup is prone to spillage, but this blog, this impersonal and cold blank white square on my computer screen, is not my idea of a warm and inviting medium. But I doubt it. As it says in my "profile," I loathe quiting. It is actually a weakness more than anything. Sometimes letting something go, giving up the ghost, is the only way to move forward, to retain one's sanity. I struggle with this. So chances are I will blog regularly. Every day? Doubtful. But as they say, shoot for the moon and at worst you'll land in the stars.

I would like to think that I always shoot for the moon.

If you read this before nightfall on Tuesday, November 4, you better have voted. This is no time for passivity. Get out there and vote. Vote for change. And since change does not come in the form of 72-year-old rich, white, cranky, irritable, albeit once-heroic, men, there really is only one intelligent choice come Tuesday.

And with that, having just alienated roughly 42 percent of my blog readership on Day One, I'm off to go make my tea and pop some waffles in the toaster.

Happy November 2!

Andy

a prayer at twilight

something about the way
the sun tips
and leans against the buildings
makes me worry
about us both

at least
one
of us should be
strong